...Dude, I'm in here for stealing a five-drake bottle of booze. Unless you're planning on stabbing me in my sleep, I get out tomorrow.
Okay, I know my Imperial Guards pretty well, and you're not a regular. Something's up.
I'm having a party with Mister Fucking Smiley across the way. What does it look like?
...I haven't seen you, though. Please explain.
What? I'm not exactly wearing headgear, dude.
...So, you've seen me -but I haven't seen you- and you've had dreams about me? Don't you think you're taking it a bit fast?
...Can, I, uh, have the real guards back? I'm starting to feel unsafe.
Gods, please don't.
I don't care, just get the fuck away from me.
...If that is anywhere on my person I will strangle you.
...Oh. That's better than what I was expecting.
Now, uh, pardon my asking, but who the fuck are you?
[Missed screencap: Uriel saying "Dude I'm the fucking emperor. Don't give me shit."]
...Well exuse me, Emperooooooh shit you're serious please don't have me killed.
Uhhhh, right. Hey, since we're super-secret-special-awesome dream buddies, can I have a full pardon? I've got shit I want to do.
...Is that a yes?
Sweet! Just leave that door unlocked and I'll be on my way!
God, I hope I don't get remembered for stealing a bottle of beer that one time. That would just be embarassing.
Now, I kinda do my own thing, so if you-
Man, fuck the gods. The Nine have never done shit for me.
...Well, I guess I know where I'm going.
...Dude, I didn't say anything.
WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID THEY COME FROM
...I suppose if I go back to my cell now, your guards will drag me back here.
See, all I wanted was a fucking drink.
She's come down with a bad case of rigor mortis. You might have to wait a bit.
Look, you just got attacked by assassins. I'm going to stay here where it's safe.
Seriously, look at this asshole.
Well, at least nothing can possibly go wrong he-what.
Oh gods. Rats.
...Oh, hey, some stuff. Oddly convenient.
Alright, lets get suited up.
Like a boss.
FUCK. MORE RATS.
RATS A-
HOLY SHIT.
I... I just did magic! I've never done that before!
Holy shit!
[Aside! I've mucked around with some of our Champion's stats for RP purposes. He's got level 50 Marksman, but he has abysmal personality and magic. We'll be specialising in Destruction later, although I'm going to be artificially keeping it low. I'll probably explain more about his backstory in a later post.]
...Aaaand I am officially in over my head. Splendid. And to think I was complaining about being in prison.
There's a hell of a lot of treasure lying about in the sewers...
...Why is there a skeleton in the middle of a pile of cheese?
Wait... How long has that stuff been here? No wonder it stinks!
...Well, looks like I've reached the point of no return.
First thing that jumps me is getting an arrow to the throat.
CLOSE ENOUGH.
Huh. A mortar and pestle.
I'm terrible with these.
Lunch!
...Did that goblin just set off it's own trap? What the hell.
Moron.
Is there such a thing as a smart goblin?
Because I'm really beginning to think otherwise.
Haha, take that you smelly fucker.
Hey, I noticed your skull has a distinct lack of arrow in it!
Don't worry, though! I fixed that!
Huh, that's a neat staff. I could use that.
Fucking goblins.
And it looks like I'm almost back to something resembling civilisation!
Fuck. I still smell like seventy-year-old cheese.
Oh joy. These assholes
...Look. Dude. All I want is a fucking drink.
Godsdamn right I'm not.
...Right. Help you. Suuurrre.
Just get me the fuck out of here.
Ah, so you're the only one who sees people in your dreams, then?
Oh, no, I get it. You're a creepy old stalker.
I guide my own fate, thank you very much.
I've set my course by wherever the closest pub is.
Shame it's usually the Bloated Float.
I... guess?
...Did you seriously just ask me what my sign is?
This one, I guess? [+10 Luck bonus = Fuck yeah]
...Death does tend to do that.
Sooooo... What with your mystic star-reading dream-stalking power... Don't suppose you can tell me where I'm going to end up?
I'm going to be famous as all hell, right?
...Fat load of help you are.
Dying alone in a gutter. Got it.
...Hope? You just said that I'm never going to amount to anything and that you're going to die.
I mean, I've known a few optimists, but this is just insane.
If your ghost comes back to haunt me I'm setting fire to the graveyard.
...I'd tell you the hour but I can't really see the sun right now.
Ooh! It's three o'clock, isn't it?
...Your robe's pretty cushy. I don't think falling would hurt much.
...I know a guy who can give you potions for that.
Fine by me.
...I wonder how much that necklace will sell for...
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