HAUOOS: Update 3: MEEEDIIIIIC

Mendes it is!
I guess this is the MEEEDIIIIIC package.

...OH MY GOD THEY ALL VANISHED
JAGUAR YOU BASTARD THEY HAD FAMILIES

 AUTOBOTS!  TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT!
Or paddle out, I guess shut up you know what I mean 

 OH GOD WE'RE IN A BOAT
FUCKDAMMIT JAGUAR

Fuck that quest shit, let's go fishing.
(Miguel: Yeah, okay.)

HAUOOS: Update 4: STICKY FISHIES!

Oh man I'm totally going to catch a sticky fish

First try!

...HOLY CRAP.

14:18    Tray-Ghost - Hey, guys!
14:18    Tray-Ghost - Poll!
14:18    Tray-Ghost - I just caught a bull shark!
14:18    Tray-Ghost - What do?
14:19    Tray-Ghost prods Lielac, EF, StarSketch
14:19    StarSketch - uh
14:20    Tray-Ghost - (Keep it or toss it)
14:20    Tray-Ghost - (They will totes mess up mah boat <|8I)
14:20    StarSketch - keep
14:20    StarSketch - oh
14:20    StarSketch - tos
14:20    StarSketch - Toss
14:20    Tray-Ghost - Buuuut this one is big.
14:20    Tray-Ghost - 33 pounds.
14:20    Lielac - 'Unno!
14:20    Lielac flips a coin.
14:21    Lielac - Toss.

YOU ARE ALL BORING, BORING PEOPLE.

DAMN I'M GOOD.
(Miguel:  YES.  KEEP THAT.  Also, it's dark it.  We should sleep.)

...Where in the fuck am I supposed to be pitching a tent?

The fuck is this?

...It's a new species of reptile?
Holy shit!  I've discovered a lizard somebody's never seen before!
I'm a botanist!
(Miguel:  ...Uh, actually, a bota-)
FUCK YOU MIGUEL I'M A BOTANIST
[The next morning]

...The fuck is that roaring no-

 ...JAAAAGGUUUUAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!

HAUOOS: Update 2: Middle-aged Man Behind the Counter in a Small Town

Yep!
MIGUEL!  I CHOOSE YOU!

 Alright.  Supplies

YES!  YOU HAVE THE SUPPLIES, AND I DEMAND THEM!  (That's how economics work, right?)

...Miguel, you're paying for this, right?
The ROM is expensive...

OH GOD MORE CHOICES AAAAAA

(Choice time!)
Krenak: Lots of food, but not much else.  (We'll have plenty of opportunities to get food later, though)
Fawcett: Good amount of vegtamables, clothes, harpoons, and machetes.
Mendes: Decent amount of veggies (harder to get than fish), level of medicness = AWESOME
McIntyre: Eeeeeeeeeh.  I would rather have more veggies.  Trading packets are good, but we'll have fish for that later.

If it helps, MEEDIIIIC has something to say:

Amazon Trial Too: Wherein we make a choice!

(This game is from the nineties!)

 (We're going with newcomer.  I should be getting my computer back by Saturday.  Also, can't look at the opening sequence without crashing the game.  And Asshat McJaguarbutt doesn't get subtitles from what I remember.  SO, RIGHT INTO THE GAME!)

Goddamn that was trippy.  The mask just came to life and talked to me.  And, uh...

This isn't the ROM.

I... what?

...I honestly don't think you could get me more lost than I am right now.  Seriously, I was in Canada thirty seconds ago.  Also, those barrels are tripping me out.  Or maybe that's the acid.

 ...I thought she was my man.

...Dude, I don't even know where I'm going.  That's not much help to me.

...Joao is flexing at you.

Oh god he's one of those asshats.

...With that harpoon?  Neat.

And your gimmick is...?

 Hum.  That actually seems like a pretty good deal

Oh god.  I'm way too high for this.

(Choice time!)

Elena:  She knows good places to camp! that doesn't really help us that much.

Joao:  He is made out of Red Bull and never gets tired.  which is good, but not really the best.

Rosa:  She knows where the fish are!  Really helpful.  Although, kinda irrelevant because I almost never run out of fish.

Miguel:  He's a med student! Mother of god do we need meds.  Nobody likes dysentery.

HERE'S AN UPDATE ON OUR SITUATION!

So my brand new, seven hundred dollar laptop got assfucked.

It is currently at the shop obtaining a new hard drive.

So the next MB update will probably be delayed about two weeks.

IN THE MEANTIME LET'S PLAY SHITTY EDUTAINMENT GAMES

Here's a preview:

FURTHER SITUATIONAL UPDATES

Holy shit you guys this game comes with an offer of free AOL minutes holy crap

Update Seven: End Part One

Oh, hey, dinner.

I mean, deer.

Way to miss, asshole.

That kind of hurt a bit.

Aha!  Bravil!

..What's that noise coming from the bay?

...Huh.  Do guards just kind of die when I get close?

Whatever, I'm stealing his stuff.

Nice place, if a little run-down.

I don't know, I haven't been there.

Hm...

Exploring time!

Eh?  What's this?

I'll have to come back here later.

...I could use a house.

...I do not trust this bridge.  Not in the slightest.

...I didn't even say anything.

You kinda just started yelling at me the moment I walked in the door.

Actually, I needed to buy a house.

...I was told to tell you that... Lachance has made... arrangements.

Yes.  I know, I have been there.

It smells really bad.  Did somebody skin a cow and leave it there?

Lachance.  Arrangements.  Get on with it.

 Splendid.

Will do.

I could also eat off of your cold, dead corpse.

Give me the key.

Ah, the number one form of entertainment amongst guards.

Navel-gazing.

I cannot believe that actually worked.

I have a panic room!

Ehehe, I'm in the closet.

Ooh, a double bed.

I can sprawl as much as I want.

 Arrangements with Lachance.

Hm.  If I pray to her, will I get lucky?

...I am really bad at this.

...WHERE ARE MY TOMATOES

I DEMAND TOMATOES TO MAKE MY HOUSE LIVEABLE

THIS IS UTTER BULLSHIT


Whatever, I'm taking a nap.

...

...I will never get used to that.

I need sleep.

[several hours pass]

...What the hell is that noise?

...It's coming from outside the gates.

...The bay?

...What the cocks.

...That island was not there yesterday.

I hate water.

It's wet.

 ...It's glowing?  Some sort of portal perhaps?

...Well, I'm freaking out now.

Odd.  This requires further investigation.

...Most curious.

Not if I kill you first!

YOU DON'T SAY.

Ah, so it's a portal?

Hm.  Perhaps it requires somebody... sexier.  Somebody like me.

...Wait, wrong?

...Intriguing.  I'm going to go in and look for clues.

Yeah, interdimensional transport does tend to result in queasiness.

...The fuck was that?

...This voice is familiar.

...Wading through entrails?  I think I could do that.

...The Isles?

This all sounds very familiar.

...Can I leave a message?

Well, here we go!

OH GODS
THE PUKE
IT'S EVERYWHERE

Yes, I am. Now, who are you?

...Oh.

I'm in Sheogorath's realm.

This should be plenty of fun.

Why's the door here, though?  Why now?

Hm.  Would this be a wise decision, d'you think?

I can imagine.  Prince of Madness and all.

This is true.  What about Asshole McDead out there?

...That sounds pretty fair.

Fortunately, I'm prepared for everything.

What do I do now?

 So, if I go through the door...?

Unless they're being made by a creepy old emperor, yeah.

...I can't help but feel I'm being mocked.

I'll do it.

I'm sure I will.

I'm good at getting what I want.

...That sounds ominous.

...Huh.