MB: Update Fifteen: Everybody's Coming To Get Me

 Oh, trust me.  I'm good at that.

 That is a rather, er... striking robe.

 Nope.  Sheogorath sent me.  I'm to assist in dislodging the stick from your bottom.

 I just fucking said that.  It's wedged up there deep, isn't it?

 ...What about you?  Can I trust you?

 I WONDER WHY.  Seriously, why not just kill the lot of them?
 Also, since you didn't answer my question, I'm assuming the answer is "no".

 ...Uh.  "Too easy" doesn't really matter.  If you know who they are, you should execute them.
 I mean, that's just what I'd do if I was paranoid.  Which I'm not.
I'm watching you

 So kill your way down the chain, it's not a hard concept.
 Anyways, d'you want me to get to work on that stick now?

 ...Everybody keeps secrets.  I don't think they're going to just tell them to me.

 Yes, I'd gathered.

 Alright, fine, geeze.
Ass-stick lady

 ...Pleasant.

 Hey, I'm supposed to get you to torture people, if it's not too much trouble.
 ...I wish that's the first time I've had to say that.

 You're supposed to come with me.  And, uh, thumbscrew some people, I guess.

 Yes, it's all rather kinky, isn't it?

 I'm actually only the Greater Inquisitor.  It's only a step down on the scale, and I'm expecting a promotion any day now.  Let's get going, shall we?

 Right-o.  Oh, hey, who's this guy?

 I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, JACKASS.  WHILE YOU'RE TALKING WITHOUT GODSDAMNED PERMISSION, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT CONSPIRACIES?

 Fuck it, Herdir?  Zap 'im.

 TOO LATE!

 AAHHAHAHAHAHAHA YES MAYBE NOW Y-what in Oblivion is wrong with me

 I'm sorry, all I hear is "Please!  Zap me again!  I love that shit!"

 ...You mean that small, twitchy girl I've seen around the palace?  I got the impression she was always like that.

 Fine!  No need to be a dick about it!
Jackass.
HEY, YOU!  TWITCHYPANTS MCANGSTYFACE!

 THEN WHY ARE YOU CONSPIRICICAMACING AGAINST HER?

 RIGHTO, HERDIR!  GET TO WORK!

 ...Who?

 ...Like, say, find this Ma'zaddha guy?
 Sounds Khajit-y.

 Oh, there will be repercussions.
I am using repercussions as a euphemism for lightning hurr durr

 ...Uh... sir?
Sir?
...Either I've been invited to join the criminal underworld of the Isles, or he was a prostitute.

Bless Harder: Update 4: I Used To Not Have A Sign Like You But Then I Took An Okay I'll Stop

 Skyrim is quite a lovely place.  I think I could live here.

 Hm.  Dragon seems to be heading off.

 And, Hadavar, I have to admit, I am not keen on following it either.

 Splendid!

 Oh... Uhm.  Are you sure I cannot come with you?
Not that I cannot manage on my own, it's just that I don't really know where I'm going.
"Oh, certainly!  It's no problem.  I hope you don't mind running."
I am an Argonian.  Running is in my blood.
"Haha!  Splendid! Come on, let's get going."

"Say, if you don't mind me asking, how did you wind up in with those bandits?"
Well, it is kind of a long story...
"And we've got a bit of a run ahead of us."
Alright.  Mostly, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Aye?"
Yes.  I... acquire things.  People hear about rare artifacts, and they send word to me.  I brave dungeons to find them.  Generally, they tend to be worth considerably more than what the person was asking for.  I have gotten fairly good at picking up on values.
"Let me guess.  You had to come to Skyrim for something."
Indeed. I had an order for dwemer items.  You cannot find dwemer ruins in Cyrodiil, so I headed to Skyrim.  Along the way, I fell in with these... Stormcloaks.  They said they were soldiers, so I thought I would ply them for information.  Not twenty minutes later and you lot jumped on us.
"Aha.  Well, if you're looking for information, not many better places to go than Solitude.  I'm heading there, too.  I need to make my report."

 Hm, perhaps I should.
 "Hold up."

 Draugr?
"Undead guardians of Skyrim's tombs."
Aha.  Nothing I can't handle.
"Oh, for an adventurer like you, these might be interesting...

Hmm.  Perhaps I will go with Thief.  One can never be too stealthy.

"We're getting quite close to Riverwood."
Would I be able to stay with this uncle of yours?

 "You could, but there's an inn in town.  It's quite nice, and not all that busy as far as rooms go."
Oh, interesting.  I'd imagine it is a good place to get caught up on the local gossip, too?  What about major cities?

 All right.
"Once that's all cleared up, though, most of the holds will allow you to buy a house there.  Most of them are pretty expensive -especially to outfit, but sometimes the price is worth it."

"Don't mind the wolves, though.  There's plenty around, but I think you can handle them."
Thank you, sir.

"Please, I think we're friends now.  You can just call me Hadavar."

Thank you... Hadavar.

 It is quite pretty...

Oh... This is definitely a nice little place.